Nandan's brief of his first day in parliament!
From an INFOSCION to a POLITICION - Nandan's Chronicles - 2
Continuing my tryst with capturing the life and times of Nandan Nilekani in his new avatar as a Cabinet Minister, here is what he had penned after his first day in the Parliament. The last entry stopped when the House was just about to begin. Let’s see what happened thereafter….
The House was in pin drop silence. I was brimming with anticipation and excitement!!!! Manmohan had informed me that my introduction was one of the important points of the agenda. I hoped that I will be able to make my speech properly. After so many interviews and conferences, I was nervous today!!!!
After the Speaker indicated that the proceedings of the House could begin, Manmohan formally introduced me to the entire House. He mentioned that as the head of the Unique Identification Authority of India, I was responsible to ensure that each and every Indian had a digital smart card as a proof of his existence. Manmohan spoke about why I was selected and also some references to the various projects executed by me in Infosys were mentioned. The House listened with rapt attention. I was asked to say a few words and I did exactly the same!!!
I thanked the Government of India for having given me this opportunity and I assured the House that I would strive to successfully deliver this project. The Speaker then formally inducted me into the House and before the proceedings could move any forward, there was a small commotion on the other side of the hall.
It was Minister of Textiles who had a comment to make before the next point on the agenda. He made a request that I should be attired in a more austere way instead of a flashy suit. It did not go well with the image of a minister who should live to serve the common man and should be less ostentatious in his habits. I stood up to reply. I offered my apologies to the Honourable Minister and assured that I shall be in a more acceptable dress next time. I felt that he was right.
We also used to have corporate dress code in Infosys. So it's here as well!!!!
I sat down and felt somebody nudging me. I turned around and to my surprise; it was the former Indian skipper and one of my favourite batsman Mohd. Azharuddin. I remembered that he had recently won the elections. I smiled at him and mentioned to him that I used to like his game very much, shaking his hand. No Rolex, I noticed. Azhar told me that he would “fix” me an appointment with an Italian designer who had designed his dapper Kurta suit. An Italian designer in Milan doing Kurtas!!!!! I made a note of this and reminded myself to give this example to Friedman for his next book,” The World Markets are flattened”. Since there was no doubt about the “Fixational” capacities of Azhar, I told him to give me the details and I would consider.
The proceedings of the House went on with numerous bills being debated and passed as I sat as a passive audience waiting for my project’s turn to come up. After the lunch break, it was the moment for me!!!! MY PROJECT”S FIRST REVIEW CAME UP FOR PRESENTATION. I was at sea. My laptop did not have any reserve power. I went to Manmohan and apprised him of the situation. I was sweating. He calmly replied that this would not be a cause of concern. I was flummoxed!!!!
The Speaker asked me to explain to the House on what were my plans for the Unique Identity Project. I replied that I have a plan prepared for 30-60-90-120 days’ milestones and I have presentation to make for which I need a power socket, a projector and a screen. I had no idea what was going to happen after this. The next couple of minutes were a complete jolt for me. I was completely in a tizzy.
Let me just summarize what happened. A Joint Cabinet Secretary Committee was set up to judge the feasibility of my request. The Under Secretaries for the Ministries of Power, IT and Broadcasting will prepare a Viability Report after scrutinizing National Security threats to my request. This was because the power socket comes under Power, laptop comes under IT and projector comes under Broadcasting. I have also been told to reconsider my timelines of 30-60-90 days and start thinking in terms of years. Probably, they are right. I did not have the foresight in this matter.
The summary of the issue is that I need to come up with a more inclusive, democratic, comprehensive long term plan for this project to be executed over the next five years. I have also been given a presentation slot 3 months from now (by which the issues related to the power cord etc will also be resolved). I am filled with mixed reactions. I was planning for a quick resolution; the management wants a strategic solution. I come out of the House and text Murthy.
“You won’t believe it but these guys work just like us. I am on a NATIONAL BENCH for the next three months!!!!!!!!”
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Nandan Nilekani...Fisrt day in Parliament
JP Morgan's reply to a Brainles Beauty
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, and gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (My target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. (Best one) It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me…
Signed,
J.P. Morgan
Economic realities in today's world--so true
Interesting.....Don't miss last Questions...
Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the 'job hopper' (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it.... well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the 'company loyal' employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys - the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:
Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.
Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?
A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.
Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.
Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying 'employer loyalty'. But I was an idiot.
Q: Why do you say so?
A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a 'permanent' job, so I need not worry about 'what will I do if I lose my job'. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.
Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.
A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being 'company loyal' and not 'money earning and saving loyal'. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving - I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.
Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?
A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me - can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.
Q: What have you gained by doing such things?
A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.
Q: So you decided on your own hike?
A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a 'debt-free' life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.
Q: So are you debt-free now?
A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.
Q: Who is complaining?
A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me - why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.
Q: What is your advice to professionals?
A: Like Narayan Murthy had said - love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.
Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?
A: When a company does well, its CEO etc will address the entire company saying, 'well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you." But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO etc will say, "It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go." So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Nanubhai's views on the Lehman crisis.......
Bankruptcy Defined .....
Once there was a little island country. The land of this country was the tiny island itself. The total money in circulation was 2 dollars
as there were only two pieces of 1 dollar coins circulating around.
1) There were 3 citizens living on this island country. A owned the land. B and C each owned 1 dollar.
2) B decided to purchase the land from A for 1 dollar. So, now A and C own 1 dollar each while B owned a piece of land that is worth 1 dollar.
* The net asset of the country now = 3 dollars.
3) Now C thought that since there is only one piece of land in the country, and land is non producible asset, its value must definitely go up. So, he borrowed 1 dollar from A, and together with his own 1 dollar, he bought the land from B for 2 dollars.
*A has a loan to C of 1 dollar, so his net asset is 1 dollar.
* B sold his land and got 2 dollars, so his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C owned the piece of land worth 2 dollars but with his 1 dollar debt to A, his net residual asset is 1 dollar.
* Thus, the net asset of the country = 4 dollars.
4) A saw that the land he once owned has risen in value. He regretted having sold it. Luckily, he has a 1 dollar loan to C. He then borrowed 2 dollars from B and acquired the land back from C for 3 dollars. The payment is by 2 dollars cash (which he borrowed) and cancellation of the 1 dollar loan to C. As a result, A now owned a piece of land that is worth 3 dollars. But since he owed B 2 dollars, his net asset is 1 dollar.
* B loaned 2 dollars to A. So his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C now has the 2 coins. His net asset is also 2 dollars.
* The net asset of the country = 5 dollars. A bubble is building up.
(5) B saw that the value of land kept rising. He also wanted to own the land. So he bought the land from A for 4 dollars. The payment is by borrowing 2 dollars from C, and cancellation of his 2 dollars loan to A.
* As a result, A has got his debt cleared and he got the 2 coins. His net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owned a piece of land that is worth 4 dollars, but since he has a debt of 2 dollars with C, his net Asset is 2 dollars.
* C loaned 2 dollars to B, so his net asset is 2 dollars.
* The net asset of the country = 6 dollars; even though, the country has only one piece of land and 2 Dollars in circulation.
(6) Everybody has made money and everybody felt happy and prosperous.
(7) One day an evil wind blew, and an evil thought came to C's mind. "Hey, what if the land price stop going up, how could B repay my loan. There is only 2 dollars in circulation, and, I think after all the land that B owns is worth at most only 1 dollar, and no more."
(8) A also thought the same way.
(9) Nobody wanted to buy land anymore.
* So, in the end, A owns the 2 dollar coins, his net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owed C 2 dollars and the land he owned which he thought worth 4 dollars is now 1 dollar. So his net asset is only 1 dollar.
* C has a loan of 2 dollars to B. But it is a bad debt. Although his net asset is still 2 dollars, his Heart is palpitating.
* The net asset of the country = 3 dollars again.
(10) So, who has stolen the 3 dollars from the country? Of course, before the bubble burst B thought his land was worth 4 dollars. Actually, right before the collapse, the net asset of the country was 6 dollars on paper. B's net asset is still 2 dollars, his heart is palpitating.
(11) B had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. C as to relinquish his 2 dollars bad debt to B, but in return he acquired the land which is worth 1 dollar now.
* A owns the 2 coins; his net asset is 2 dollars.
* B is bankrupt; his net asset is 0 dollar. (He lost everything)
* C got no choice but end up with a land worth only 1 dollar
* the net asset of the country = 3 dollars.
************ **End of the story; BUT ************ ********* ******
There is however a redistribution of wealth.
A is the winner, B is the loser, C is lucky that he is spared.
A few points worth noting -
(1) when a bubble is building up, the debt of individuals to one another in a country is also building up.
(2) This story of the island is a closed system whereby there is no other country and hence no foreign debt. The worth of the asset can only be calculated using the island's own currency. Hence, there is no net loss.
(3) An over-damped system is assumed when the bubble burst, meaning the land's value did not go down to below 1 dollar.
(4) When the bubble burst, the fellow with cash is the winner. The fellows having the land or extending loan to others are the losers. The asset could shrink or in worst case, they go bankrupt.
(5) If there is another citizen D either holding a dollar or another piece of land but refrains from taking part in the game, he will neither win nor lose. But he will see the value of his money or land goes up and down like a see saw.
(6) When the bubble was in the growing phase, everybody made money.
(7) If you are smart and know that you are living in a growing bubble, it is worthwhile to borrow money (like A) and take part in the game. But you must know when you should change everything back to cash.
(8) As in the case of land, the above phenomenon applies to stocks as well.
(9) The actual worth of land or stocks depends largely on psychology (or speculation)
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Socialism vs. Capitalism
Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals she was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs -- what her dad dismissed as "redistribution of wealth."
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, and a rich one at that -- a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his, rather than benefit society.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. "You don't need to spend money on these expensive furnishings in this huge house when there are people who need to earn more than minimum wage and
better food!" she lectured.
To her shock and amazement, all The Donald said in reply was "Welcome to socialism."
That's it? she thought to herself -- no argument? But before she could even think of a follow-up, he actually changed the subject! "How are you doing with your studies?" Trump asked her.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She
didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"
She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are Easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."
The Donald was closing in now. He asked Ivanka, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."
Ivanka, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily Fired back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair!? I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"
The Donald slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to capitalism."
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Chill ...Pills ...
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it..!!
3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
but what we are inside. So, try going out without clothes tomorrow and see the admiration!
4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!
5. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
6. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!
7. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!
8. Only 01 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
9. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
10. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???
11. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Piyo Sar Utha Ke!
Short story competition....Too good
This is what a guy wrote for the contest....... and surprisingly, it was adjudged the best short story : ))
On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer. I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.
While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter... hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders. My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "wake up man? Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".
Top 22 things an Indian does after returning to India from "US".
21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.
19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
Ultimate one:
1.. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
Can you prove 3=2 ???
See this illustration:
-6 = -6
9-15 = 4-10
adding 25/4 to both sides:
9-15+25/4 = 4-10+25/4
Changing the order
9+25/4-15 = 4+25/4-10
(this is just like a² + b² - 2a b = (a-b)².)
Here a1 = 3, b1=5/2 for L.H.S
and a2 =2, b2=5/2 for R.H.S.
So it can be expressed as follows:
(3-5/2)(3-5/2) = (2-5/2)(2-5/2)
Taking positive square root on both sides:
3 - 5/2 = 2 - 5/2
3 = 2
Enjoy ...!!!
An !dea .....!!!!
garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have
helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and
mentioned his situation:
Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be
over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love,
Dad
Shortly, the old man received this telegram: "For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"
At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here."
Moral:
No Matter Where You Are In The World, If You Have Decided To Do Something Deep From Your Heart You Can Do It.
It Is The Thought That Matters Not Where You Are Or Where The Person Is.
Friday, March 07, 2008
General Motors reply to BILL GATES.. Must Read
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release Stating :
"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics
(and I just love this part, especially 7th point and 10'th point):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road,
close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart,
in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy
to drive - but would ! run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single
"This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because
none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Never undervalue the manufacturing & automobile industries-- - GM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
WHICH IS BETTER.....FORMER OR LATTER?
Dad used to give us a measly Rs. 20/- per month,
in that we were not only able to eat stomachs fill,
but we were able to save too!!!
Now we earn a sum of 20K, we have no idea
where it goes, let alone saving it!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
----------------------------------------------------------
6 subjects per year, 6 different teachers!
One project since we joined
and just one manager!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
----------------------------------------------------------
We used to make notes;
we used to study for ranks!!
Now we scan thru our mails;
we struggle for our ratings!!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
----------------------------------------------------------
We have still not forgotten the people
in the next section!!!
Now we don't even know who sits
in the next cubicle!!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
----------------------------------------------------------
After getting back from a tiring play,
we used to do our home work!!
Now who knows/cares about home;
all we do is just work!!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
----------------------------------------------------------
We knew our history and economics!!
Now let alone reading books,
we don't even catch up with the daily news!!!
Which was better, the former or the latter???
----------------------------------------------------------
We had an aim in life;
behind our backs we had our teachers!!
Now we have no idea about the
future nor do we find any
one who would tell us anything!!!
Now just ask yourself,
which was better,
the former or the latter????
Friday, July 27, 2007
Bitter fact - wonderfully quoted!
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold .
MODERN VERSION…
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house. Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance). Opposition MP's stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharath Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers. Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter. Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for Grass Hopper in educational Institutions & in Govt Services. The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV. Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden' Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...The ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi billion dollar company in silicon valley.100s of grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India...
So true!!!! Where are we heading and when will this stop????
It still remains a MYSTERY!!!!!
Friday, September 29, 2006
Vanilla Ice Cream that puzzled General motors!!!!
An Interesting Story
Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it
might seem!
This is a real story that happened between the customer of General
Motors and its Customer-Care Executive. Pls read on.....
A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:
'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame
you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact
that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert
after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every
night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of
ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it.
It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since
then my trips to the store have created a problem.....
You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back
from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice
cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious
about this question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there
about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice
cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" The Pontiac
President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an
Engineer to check it out anyway.
The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously
well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet
the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and
drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night
and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't
start.
The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they
got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry.
The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed
to start.
Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this
man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore,
to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem.
And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts
of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth
etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy
vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of
the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate
case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other
flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter
where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.
Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start
when it took less time. Eureka - Time was now the problem - not the
vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the
answer: "vapor lock".
It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the
other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start.
When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor
lock to dissipate.
Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem
to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking.
Don't just say it is " IMPOSSIBLE" without putting a sincere
effort.... Observe the word "IMPOSSIBLE" carefully....
Looking closer you will see, "I'M POSSIBLE"...
What really matters is your attitude and your perception.
Attitude Is A Zing Sing Thing
Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive
Monday, August 21, 2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Questions and the Answers given by Candidates
Questions and the Answers given by Candidates, oh
sorry they are IAS Officers now.
1Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor
without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC
Topper)
2Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,
how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank
Opted for IFS)
3Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one
hand and four apples and three oranges in the other
hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted
for IPS)
4Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an
elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
5Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Problem, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
6Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it
will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS
Rank 2)
7Q. What looks like half apple?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)
8Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.
9Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.
10Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank)
11. Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy
questions or one really difficult question.
Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy
thought for a while and said, "My choice is one really
difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own
choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or
Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission
depends on the correctness of his answer,
but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY
sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked,
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a
SECOND difficult question!"
Monday, May 29, 2006
WHERE TO TAP
Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed? The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them
could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He
carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He
carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer .. $ 2.00
Knowing where to ......... $ 9998.00
"Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference"
Are you TAPPING at the right spot ???
Saturday, April 22, 2006
To Realize....
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.
To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.
Time waits For no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
