As adults, we can choose the messages we accept or reject. As Eleanor
Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."
Building high self-esteem is a process, not something you can develop
overnight," says Jeffrey Keller. "Yet, I believe every person has the
capacity of high self-esteem. The question is, are you ready to make a
commitment to increase your self-esteem? "
If your answer is yes, here are 12 steps to get you started:
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Step One
Stop comparing yourself with other people. There will always be some
people who have more than you and some who have less. If you play the
comparison game, you'll run into too many "opponents" you can't defeat.
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Step Two
Stop putting yourself down. You can't develop high self-esteem if
you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities. Whether
speaking about your appearances, your career, your relationships, your
financial situation, or any other aspects of your life, avoid
self-deprecating comments.
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Step Three
Accept all compliments with "thank you." Ever received a compliment
and replied," Oh, it was nothing." When you reject a compliment, the
message you give yourself is that you are not worthy of praise.
Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You."
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Step Four
Use affirmations to enhance your self-esteem. On the back of a
business card or small index card, write out a statement such as "I
like and accept my self." or "I am valuable, lovable person and
deserve the best in life." Carry the card with you. Repeat the
statement several times during the day, especially at night before
going to bed and after getting up in the morning. Whenever you say the
affirmation, allow yourself to experience positive feelings about your
statement.
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Step Five
Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on
self-esteem. Whatever material you allow to dominate mind will
eventually take root and affect your behavior. If you watch negative
television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business
rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. Similarly, if you read
books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will
take on these characteristics.
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Step Six
Associate with positive, supportive people. When you are surrounded by
negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your
self-esteem is lowered. On the other hand, when you are accepted and
encouraged, you feel better about yourself in the best possible
environment to raise your self-esteem.
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Step Seven
Make a list of your past successes. This doesn't necessarily have to
consist of monumental accomplishments. It can include your "minor
victories," like learning to skate, graduating from high school,
receiving an award or promotion, reaching a business goal, etc. Read
this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the
feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first
attained each success.
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Step Eight
Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you honest? Unselfish?
Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least
20 positive qualities. Again, it's important to review this list
often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why
their life isn't working out. Start focusing on your positive traits
and you'll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to
achieve.
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Step Nine
Start giving more. I'm not talking about money. Rather, I mean that
you must begin to give more of yourself to those around your. When you
do things for others, you are making a positive contribution and you
begin to feel more valuable, which, in turn, lifts your spirits and
raises your own self-esteem.
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Step Ten
Get involved in work and activities you love. It's hard to feel good
about yourself if your days are spent in work you despise. Self-esteem
flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy
and make you feel valuable. Even if you can't explore alternative
career options at the present time, you can still devote leisure time
to hobbies and activities, which you find stimulating and enjoyable.
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Step Eleven
Be true to yourself. Live your own life - not the life others have
decided is best for you. You'll never gain your own respect and feel
good about yourself if you aren't leading the life you want to lead.
If you're making decisions based on getting approval from friends and
relatives, you aren't being true to yourself and your self-esteem is
lowered.
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Step Twelve
Take action! You won't develop high self-esteem if you sit on the
sidelines and back away from challenges. When you take action -
regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself.
When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you'll be
frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow
to your self-esteem.
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The "real you" is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential
and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to
others. As your self-esteem grows, this "real you" emerges. You begin
to take more risks and not be afraid of failure; you aren't as
concerned with getting approval of others; your relationships are much
more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you joy and
satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world.
Most importantly, high self esteem brings you peace of mind ... when
you're alone, you truly appreciate the person you're with - yourself.
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